Christmases When You Were Mine
by Never Goodbye
Summary: Emma comes to termes with a relationship that is finally becoming what she has wanted for years, while saying a final goodbye to a past love. Song One Shot for Christmas.


Disclaimer: I don't own anything. The song is Taylor Swift's (LOVE HER!!!!)

A/N: Just a short christmas gift to all of you from me. Thanks to Tammywammy for totally getting me into this couple and writing degrassi period. But I'm not sure how lng my degrassi muse is around to stay so please enjoy what you all are going to get over the next few of days.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from my heart and family to yours.

Oh and to hear the song you can find it on youtube, it's called "Christmases when you were mine". I recommaned listening to it on repat while you read this so you can feel the over all mood of te story.

* * *

Emma, Manny, and Liberty were in their dorm room at Smithdale packing their dorm up for the month long trip back to their home town of Toronto. The three of them had just finished their last final for their fall semester of their junior year. The text and party invites have already started from their friends at home, and for once all of the friends were gonna be home for the same time, well everyone except one, no one knew where he would be for the holidays this year, and of course the one friend that was taken from their lives to soon.

Feeling her phone shake on her hip, Emma pulled it out and saw a text from Lucas. Her favorite fling for when she goes home. The two of them always seem to gravitas towards each other when she goes home for long periods of time; they enjoyed each other's company but didn't expect to go past just hanging out while she was home for long breaks. "Can't wait 2 hang w/ U 2morrow it's been 2 long Em." It said. She smiled before typing a quick reply about wanting to see him too, it really had been too long, she was taking 21 credit hours the past semester so she hadn't been home since the summer and was beyond stress so the break was just what she needed.

"I cannot wait to get out of here. I miss Jay, and Jane, and Spin and Holly." Manny said shoving her shoes in her trunk.

"I know I actually miss Danny and Sav." Liberty called out from their closet.

"I just can't wait to get the hell out of here. I feel like I haven't seen anything but these four ugly ass walls all semester."Emma said flipping on the radio and a soft guitar melody drifted out of the speakers.

"_Please take down the mistletoe. Cause I don't wanna think about that right now. Cause everything I want is miles away in a snow covered little town" _the voice sang_._

"I love Taylor." Manny said before she started to sing along. _"My momma's in the kitchen, worrying about me. "_

"_Season's greetings, I hope you're well. Well I'm doing alright, if you were wondering. Lately I can never tell. I know this shouldn't be a lonely time, but there were Christmases when you were mine."_ The three young women sang along with the radio as they finished packing.

* * *

Hours later the three of them we back home with their families. Emma had drove home this time so after she dropped the other two off she went home and hugged her family for the first time in months. She was currently sitting on the living room floor with her six year old brother Jack next to her as the two of them raced his hot wheels across the legs of the coffee table. "Emmy, do you miss me when you are gone?" Jack asked suddenly.

"Of course I do Jack. I miss you more than anyone." She said kissing his soft blonde hair.

"More than you miss Luke and Janey?" he asked running his car over his big sister's leg.

"Don't tell them this, but I miss you way more than I miss them. I even miss you more than Mommy and Dad." She said tickling his sides.

He stood up and hugged her tight around her neck as she hugged him back. "Do you miss me more than you miss Sean right now?" he said in what he thought was a whisper but Conner heard him from his spot on the couch and Spike heard him though the swinging doors that led to the kitchen.

"I miss you more than Sean, Jack. No worries. Besides who's my favorite guy?" she asked running her hand over his back.

"Me." He said kissing her check.

"That's right, you." She said keeping a tight hold on him as she dipped him backwards and started to tickle him again. The house phone rang a few minutes later after Conner had joined in on the tickle attack of Jack.

"Em, it's for you." Snake called out from his den office.

She jumped up from her spot and walked across the room to the office. "Who is it?" she asked.

"Your thing." Snake said rolling his eyes, his distaste for Lucas and Emma's relationship, if you could even call it that, with him, slipping out without him even thinking about it.

"Dad be nice." She said while she took the phone then turned to leave the room. "Hey." Emma said with a smile.

"Hey gorgeous. "The male answered back.

"Connor, can you keep him busy for a few minutes. Then you're off for the entire time I'm home." She said with a smile to the young man that she came to think of as another brother.

"Get Clair, KC, and Allie and I into the party tomorrow night and you're on." He said with a smirk.

"Connor it's not my party." She said rolling her eyes.

"No but you're boning the guy every time your home."

"Connor!!" the three adults in the house yelled at the same time.

"Sorry." He said rolling his eyes. "Whatever go talk to your play thing." He said waving her off.

Grabbing her Smithdale University hoodie and scarf she walked out the front door. "Sorry about that." Emma said sitting down on the front step.

"Its fine, I was trying to avoid your dad, but someone doesn't know how to answer her phone." Lucas teased.

"It died at dinner. It's upstairs charging. So what are you up to handsome?" she asked.

"Trying to straighten up the apartment before Izzy gets here on Monday and thinking how I can steal you away for a night before everyone else comes in and takes up all of your time." He said as she heard him open up a door in his apartment.

"Well everyone's parents are keeping them looked up till tomorrow night. Maybe I can get away tomorrow to come over and help you get ready for the party. Plus I have to see my favorite girl at some point to give her, her present." Emma said looking up at the full moon.

'_It doesn't matter where you are in the world; it's never bigger than your thumb." __He told her seven summers ago. _Smiling to herself she held her left thumb up and placed it over the moon, yep, it still wasn't bigger than her thumb. "I would love that, Em. I want to talk to you about something before we see everyone." He said cutting into her thoughts.

"Okay. I may not be up till like ten, so how about I come over around eleven thirty. I'll bring you food." She said with a laugh.

"You really do know the way to my heart." He said with a laugh of his own.

"What can I say; I'm just that good to guys."

"Well your that good to me." He said in a serious tone. "Anyway, I know Jack and your parents missed you like hell, so go back to your family. And tell that Connor punk that if he doesn't annoy the hell out of everyone then he and his friends can come. But if I want to drag you away one night to bone you he has to babysit for your parents if they need him too."

"Oh shit. I am gonna kill him, I can't believe he said that and in front of my parents." Emma said slapping her hand over her face.

"Emma you're twenty-two they are gonna have to get over the fact that you have sex." Lucas said and Emma could tell that he was rolling his eyes.

"It's not that, they really don't care about that, but still I don't go around broadcasting my sex life to my parents." She said running her hand though her hair.

"I don't blame you." He said then a beep was herd between them. "Em, that's Jane, I'll see you tomorrow okay?" he asked.

"Yeah see you then, night Luke."

"Night Em." He said then the two disconnected the call.

* * *

_I've been doing fine without you really, up until the nights got cold._

As much as Emma loved this time of year cause of all the time she got to spend with her friends and family, it also made her think of the what could have been's. This time three years ago, she was terrified that she was pregnant and she didn't know what to do. And Sean, god, Sean, some one that only passes though her mind on cold nights. She doesn't think about him till the cold nights cause those were the nights that changed her life. Sean was overseas for his tenth tour in two and a half years. It was a cold night when he told her he enlisted, and it was a cold night when she saw him off for his first tour. It was a cold night when she and her parents welcomed him back from the first one. And it was the cold nights that kept her awake looking out of her tiny dorm window wondering where he was and if he was okay, wondering if he would come back alive or if she would get a Dear John letter with his tags. She knew that she couldn't do anything to make it easier this year, and she thanked god for Lucas. Sure she had dated since Sean, but Lucas was the first person to make her heart flutter and make butterflies appear in her stomach with just a simple smile or wink. For once she spent more time missing him while she was doing her homework then thinking about what was going on in the assignment. The past few weeks the two of them have spent many many hours on the phone, while the rest of the world was awake and at play, and even more hours on the phone while the world was asleep. To herself she could admit that just maybe she was falling in love. She just wasn't sure where he stood on the whole thing. Her one Christmas wish this year, she would go back to school as Lucas's girlfriend. When Liberty first found out about Emma and Lucas the summer after their freshman year, she asked Emma if she felt second best compared to Mia and at that point it was too soon for Emma to really know. But now she knew for a fact that she wasn't. Mia use to be Lucas's best for that stage in his life, just like Sean was her's all those years ago, but know Emma knew in her heart that Lucas was the best thing in her life. A half an hour later Emma reentered the house, Jack was up stairs getting tucked into bed by his parents and Connor was sitting on the couch flipping though the tv, Emma walked past him and slapped him on the back of the head.

"Ow! What the hell was that for?" he asked.

"What you said about me and Lucas." She said placing the phone on the cradle.

"I only speak the truth." He said with a smirk.

"Whatever Toby Jr." she said rolling her eyes then walking into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. Walking back to the door that separated the two rooms "you should be kissing my feet right now, cause I got you in. But you own me a babysitting if I want to go over there and you guys can't be annoying."

* * *

The next morning the entire house was up to an late start, everyone was on break so they all felt like sleeping up a little bit, by the time Emma made her way down stairs at ten in the morning everyone was back to just hanging out. "Morning guys." She greeted the three boys than walked into the kitchen to see what her mom was doing. Once in there a knock was heard at the front door.

_And everybody's here, except you, baby. Seems like everyone's got someone to hold. But for me it's just a lonely time, cause there were Christmases when you were mine._

"I'll get it." Emma said turning on her heels and walking to the front door. Pulling it open she saw the one site she prayed that she would never have to see. "Oh God." She whispered looking at the two men in uniform. "No." she said shaking her head, begging the tears not to come.

"We're looking for a" the first officer said looking in his notebook.

"Emma Nelson." The second finished for him.

"I'm her. Where's Sean? What's wrong with him?" she asked on the verge of tears.

Snake and Christine met her at the door. "Oh God." Escaped from their lips once they saw their guest. Christine wrapped her arms around her daughter, pulling her close to her for when the blow hit.

"I'm so sorry, Miss Nelson. His crew's van hit a roadside bomb." Emma felt the life drain from her at the sentence. She turned to her mom and wept into her mom's embrace. The two women sank to the floor as Emma's cries over took them. Snake finished what needed to be done at the door then sank down to his daughter and took her into his arms. Emma's cries had turned into sobs as her parents rocked her and held her close to them.

* * *

Two hours later Emma was knocking on the familiar door, the person on the other side pulled it open. "wow, you look like hell." He greeted

"Shut up Jay. Where's Lucas?" she asked.

"In his room." He said letting her in. "Really Em, what's wrong. Why do you look like someone died?" he asked.

"I just need to talk to Lucas." She said walking up the steps. Once she made the way to his door she pushed it open.

"Hey Beautiful, I was starting to get worried that you weren't coming." He said walking over to her and wrapped his arms around her, leaning down he placed a small kiss on her lips.

"Sean died. Two uniforms showed up on my doorstep and told me this morning." She whispered as she sat down on his bed.

"Shit. Emma I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" he asked wrapping his arms around her.

"At first I was shocked and then I was sad. Hell I cried like a baby, but that's because he was my best friend for so long, and I cared about him for so long. Sean was such a huge part life for so long, that of course it hurt. But I wasn't devasted. A part of me will always love him, he was my first love, but I don't love him anymore. I moved on. I'm sad he's gone, but I'm not depressed. " she said looking in Lucas's eyes.

"Are you okay with that?" he asked.

"Yeah, I know who I want. Who's what I need." She said.

"And who's that?" he asked. Emma smiled at him before leaning forward and kissing him.

"I realized a few months ago that I don't want this to end when I go back to school next month and what happened with Sean just proved to me that you have to hold on and fight like hell for what you want." She said when they pulled away.

"Good, cause I wasn't going to let you go back till you agreed to being more." He said with a smirk. Then leaned in to kiss her again and pushing her down on the bed. The rest of the night passed in a blur for the couple and their friends. Emma spent the night dancing with Jane, Holly, Manny, Liberty, Paige, Ellie, and Anya and drinking with Spin, Jimmy, Lucas, and Jay. She kept the news that she learned that day to herself.

* * *

_Merry Christmas everybody. That'll be something I just have to say this year. _

The next day Lucas and Jay invited all of the 2006 and 2007 class over for lunch. Emma was sitting on the couch waiting for the right time to tell them, she knew she had to before the read it in the paper. "So has anyone heard anything about Sean lately?" Paige asked.

"I have." Emma said taking a deep breath. "You guys knew that Sean had my family and I down for if something happened right?" she asked. When everyone nodded she took another deep breath "Yesterday two uniforms showed up on my doorstep." She said looking down. "They had his tags." She whispered.

"Oh fuck." Spinner said.

"My parents are taking care of it all, but you guys should know before it gets ran in the paper." She said meeting eyes with Ellie. "Snake is going to do all the arrangements and get everything set up but if you have pictures or want to do or say anything just let him know." Jay didn't say anything as he stormed out.

* * *

Emma spent the next week with her family but it was now a week later and she and Lucas had plans to deracorte his place with Lizzy and Jack. "Let's go Jack, Izzy's waiting." She called out from the door. The two drove across town only stopping to get the pizza dinner that Lucas had ordered. Now three hours later and everything put the lights were hung and the angle needed to be placed on the tree.

"Daddy can we listen to Taylor Swift?" Izzy asked from the couch where her and Jack were watching Frosty as Lucas and Emma hung the lights.

"Do you mind?" he asked turning to Emma.

"No it's fine." She said with a smile. Emma found herself singing along with the singer "_I'll bet you got your mom another sweater and were your cousins late again. When you were putting up the lights this year did you noticed one less pair of hands? I know this shouldn't be a lonely time, but there were Christmases when I didn't wonder how you are tonight." _She sang in a whisper as she wiped a single tear that escaped. _"Cause there were Christmases when you were mine. You were mine."_

"Hey you okay?" Lucas asked rubbing her shoulders. Emma looked out and saw the full moon, in her heart she let go of Sean Cameron once and for all.

"Yeah I'm good." She said wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Emmy, what's that?" Jack asked pointing above their heads.

The two adults looked up and smirked at the mistletoe. "Good thing you're mine this Christmas." Lucas said then leaned down to kiss her.

* * *

Please Read and Review. I would love to know what you guys think of Lemma. I totally love them. They are all can seem to write now and that is saying a lot since I have shoipped Semma/Eman for the longest time. I'm talking seven years or longer....


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